Progress Not Perfection

I have been debating for quite some time whether or not to create a blog. Certainly the most difficult thing about being a Spiritual Life Coach is finding clients. How do I promote myself? What makes me qualified to help people other than my knowledge, skill set, and pure desire to do so?

As someone who struggles with mental illness, this becomes particular hard when I have moments of self doubt. Oh, I am totally confident that I can help someone! I simply lack confidence in who I am.

If you've read my memoir you know my story. I've struggled with so many things, and while I am living an amazing life today - that doesn't mean perfection!

Today most of my symptoms are non existent or manageable. However, I have Borderline Personality Disorder. This means I can emotionally dysregulate at any time for a variety of reasons. I can look my sense of self, struggle to basic things, and basically I need to focus a lot on my own healing.

Just because I'm not Perfect doesn't mean I lack the capability to help people. That is what I need to remember most. If anything, the one thing that sets me far and beyond any other Life Coach is that I have been in the trenches. I can share personal experiences, some of which can be as recent as yesterday. Then I can tell you what I did to get through it. I am making it through, every single day.

Certainly, I worry that total honesty of my difficulties will make people question why they would ever want to hire me to help them.

Here's the answer I recieved today:

I've been in a relationship now for 6 months. It's wonderful and exciting. However it has sent me into a tail spin. BPD, co-dependancy, my love addiction are all recipes for disaster. Even though I'm struggling, the reality is that this is a huge achievement in my life! It's a healthy, happy relationship and I haven't moved him into my home or considered murder/suicide. (If you've read my book, you know. If not, then surprise! Welcome to the world of Iris!)

So this morning I felt a swarm of emotion. A physical attack I could not control. When this happens, regarding my relationship, I have resorted to writing letters. I then use my healing tools to bring myself back. Realizing I have tons of writings on my phone, I turned them into a hilarious blog that could potentially scare of validate anyone who has experienced a BPD relationship. (I will not post the link on my site, but if you ask me directly I will send it to you!)

I shared this with one of my dear friends and Sponsees (if you know me or have read my book - I am an out spoken member of 12 Step Recovery). You know you're doing something right when someone you have helped is able to throw tools right back at you like a magical game of catch.

She asked if I believed I wasn't capable or worthy of love and healthy relationships.

No. I know I am worthy and every day I'm proving I am capable. Just because I have Mental Illness does not mean I am totally Helpless. I am Healed and Healing.

However there is that little voice that will whisper, "it's not true." My capable and worth are not measured by that little voice. It's measured by my going out and actually doing something.

Too many times I have sat in front of a therapist who gave me canned answers that worked for 50% percent of their client. It was hit or miss, because they lacked Personal Experience, they lacked the ability to Relate and totally validate, and they could only throw text book possibilities at me.

I am not that. I am messy and beautiful, and I'm not just some flesh bag looking for clients to talk at me while I give them canned answers that may or may not work.

In my relationship, and all relationships, I want to be fully and authentically myself and give it my all. While also using my tools to be my best, healthy, and magical self. I want to give that to my clients.

So I am starting a blog on this website. I want you to know me, not just my past and my skill sets. I want you to know that I am a work in Progress just like you and willing to give you every tool I have to help you Progress in your life.

If I can start getting paid for this stuff, that would be fantastic. At the very least though, I will make an effort to put myself out there and bless the world with my voice.

Thanks for reading this nonsense of a post!

Blessings!

.:Iris:.